It takes a special genius to try and climb a half-fallen, unstable tree. It takes an even specialer genius to swing an ax at his foot.

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I knew a kid in middle school who chipped his tooth this way.

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So you can afford a Lamborghini, but you have to get your water from a public fountain? You're doing something wrong.

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Life without rum is a horrible thing.

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Barack Obama will never give you up or let you down. Can't say that for John McCain.

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I think our goal for getting back to the Moon should be to re-landscape it to look like the Death Star.

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If the name of the game is bowling for pedestrians, that driver picked up a nice spare.

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I hope no one got turned into sausage.

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These people must feel pretty stupid now for having had something to get this angry about back when gas was under $3 a gallon.

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A gun accidentally goes off in a courthouse, injuring a cop.

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It's required that you do burnouts in a crowded parking lot before they'll give you your "Hey I'm A Retard!" certificate.

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He's just that good.

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He experienced the human dream of flight.

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Yeah, you aren't going to the Olympics anytime soon.

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That phone must be who snitched on him and got him sent to prison.

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Go ahead and hit them, it' s not like you could do any more brain damage.

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This is like every stereotype about Ireland wrapped up in one video.

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Would you like a donut with your venison milkshake?

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Breakdancing is not an approved fighting style.

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Don't be greedy, share the love.

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